Building the “Ultimate Shidduch Resume”

I was sitting in my cubicle one morning, hard at work, and I received an e-mail from my good friend Usher. Typically our e-mails are reserved for business use only, but today the e-mail contained just one cryptic line saying: "Jon, I think I'm going to take out the resume girl." After asking Usher what in the world he was talking about he proceeded to explain to me that he received an e-mail from a shadchan about a girl he should take out and attached was a copy of her "shidduch resume." Intrigued, I told him to send me this "shidduch resume." Until that point the only resume I have ever heard of was a resume used to obtain a job so this whole concept was quite foreign to me. As I skimmed through her resume there were two things that I noticed: 1) Her mother obviously wrote it for her 2) This girl has spent every minute of her life since high school, working towards finding her bashert. She went to all the right schools, camps and had all the right hobbies that will allow her to find a shtark buchur. Then it dawned on me, if I had to put together a shidduch resume it would be far from ideal. So I began to ponder...if an individual has the foresight after high school (apparently everything that takes place before Israel doesn't really matter), what would be the ideal steps to take in order to build "The Ultimate Shidduch Resume."

Israel: The essential first step for building the Ultimate Shidduch Resume is to pick the right Yeshiva or Seminary. A common misconception is to pick the Yeshiva or Seminary that "is right for you." But in reality everyone knows the key is to pick the one that makes you the most marketable for shidduch purposes! For the girls these seem to be: Michlala, MMY, and Shalavim. For the buchrim: KBY, Shalavim, and Gush. OJ is an interesting choice because sometimes it sounds good, and sometimes people just assume that you were a crack head. It's all about how you play your cards. Naturally, shana bet is a MUST for all guys!

College: This is a great time for people to get back to their old high school ways or to take everything they've learned over the past 2 years and "chuck it" and go completely off the derech. That being said, it is imperative to pick the right college so it won't lead anyone to make non-shtark assumptions! For the girls there seem to be only 3 "shtark" choices: Stern, Barnard, and Touro (in that order). For the buchrim: Landers, YU, and possibly Penn. Over the past few years, Landers has come out of nowhere to dethrone YU as the shtark college of choice. Maybe it's because you can get a degree in a year and half without showing up to class, or maybe it's because the Rabbi's at YU are "too modern." Either way, Yasher Koach to Landers! I've seen some Yeshivaish guys at Penn. That's a risky choice, and a major opportunity to be labeled "modern." Be careful!

Majors/Acceptable professions: Let's call a spade a spade; there are very few "shayich" majors or professions for Jews! If you pick something that doesn't sound familiar or is not the norm, you are leaving yourself wide open to criticism such as "he doesn't know what he wants to do" or various other condescending comments. Girls must major in a therapy (physical, speech, etc.) or education! Apparently those are the most desirable fields for a good bas yisroel. Guys have several options: Smicha/Learning (hottest field right now), Pre-med, Pre-law, Accounting. Smicha has recently surpassed pre-med as the most desirable field to pursue. It used to be that a mother wanted to tell all her friends that her son was a doctor. Now to say that he "learns" full time seems to be the most appealing field for the shidduch resume.

Summer Plans: Another great time to go off the derech, or to indulge in your tyvas! There are very few muttur options during the summer and an internship is NOT one of them! The two options are the same for both meidels and buchrim. They are: 1) Work at HASC 2) Kollel. Beware! There are some kollels that are not muttur (i.e. Lavi Kollel = too modern). HASC is a great option because you kill 3 birds with one stone. You are doing chesed work, you have ample opportunity to interact with likeminded eligible individuals of the opposite gender, AND you get a HASC sweatshirt...which leads me to my next point....

Appropriate Attire: This is so important because it helps people filter out the quality singles from the low quality singles. Let me explain: It's important to wear the right clothing so you can be spotted from the distance as being of "high quality." The way for a buchur/meidel too differentiate between high quality and low quality is by their attire (not by having a conversation with them...that's very old school). Everyone knows that HASC counselors are in high demand, as are smicha students, and Michlala girls. Is there a better way to let people know that you’ve worked at HASC, are in smicha, or went to Michlala than by wearing your HASC sweatshirt EVERYWHERE (i.e. seforim sale, shuttle stop, on the shuttle, stern shababtons, yachad shabbatons, YU library, Chanukah concert, Purim chagigah, Yom haa'atzmaut, etc.). Other acceptable attire includes black pants and white shirt for guys. For the girls, make sure as little skin as possible is showing, and of course black and white are the only muttur colors!

Hobbies: An observation I've made is that hobbies are not so "frum" (movies = assur, traveling = might see pritzus, skiing = issur dorisa and not tznius, etc.). However, there are several activities that one can do for "fun" that can pass for hobbies. These activities include: Working at HASC, working at the seforim sale, organizing yachad shabbatons, shidduch dating, attending shiurim, and going to your friend’s engagement parties/weddings. However, you must be very careful! If you have too much fun, or are involved in an activity that seems too exciting, you might get the label of being "too modern."

As for me, my shidduch resume is a disaster! I was in the Rosh Yeshiva's shiur, but I went to Reishit ("too modern", "building is too nice"), I went to YU, but I was in the Stone Beis Medresh Program and not the Maazer Yeshiva Program ("not a serious learner"). I majored and now work in Finance ("Guess he wasn't cut out for medicine or law school"). My summers consisted of me having finance internships too build my professional resume (I should have been working on my shidduch resume). My attire usually consists of khaki pants and a button down shirt, unless I'm at work where I need to wear a suit, and on Sunday I occasionally wear jeans ("too modern"). And my hobbies consist of me going out to eat with friends (should be in the beis medresh!), going to movies ("too modern"), going skiing (“not tznius”), and going traveling ("I might see pritzus"). I'm happy to say that I do go to friends engagement parties/weddings, I attend shiurium, and I once worked at the SOY seforim sale (I kind of shot myself in the foot when I was quoted in the YU commentator as saying that I worked at the seforim sale "...to meet cute Michlala girls."). Through every step of my post Israel life I have continued to shoot myself in the foot and further destroy my already awful shidduch resume to the point where not a single Michlala, MMY, or Sha'alavim girl would ever consider dating me...I guess it’s good thing I'm into Harovah girls!!!!