Why Buchrim are Cowards

“Just Do It” – Nike coined this slogan in the late 1980’s and it was chosen by Advertising Age as one of the top five ad slogans of the 20th century. The chachma behind these three words goes way beyond just marketing athletic equipment! It applies to various aspects of life. Whether you need to muster up the energy to go to the gym after an exhausting day at work or finding the courage to speak in front of a room full of people…you are always subconsciously saying to yourself ‘Just Do It’ in order to make things happen! One area that I find this phrase particularly applicable, and an area that I’m sure Philip Knight and the people over at Nike didn’t fathom it would have any bearing, is in regards to the shidduch scene! Whenever most buchrim spot an attractive meidel, we have a tendency to freeze up and not do anything! Instead we take it upon ourselves to do some Facebook/Google stalking in order to find out who she is and how we can get set up with her! The ball is in our court, and we are essentially looking to a 3rd party to have them take control of our destiny! Why don’t we seize the opportunity, go up to the meidel, strike up a conversation, and ask for her number? Why do we always look to a third party to make things happen instead of taking Nike’s advice, mustering up some courage, and JUST DO IT?

There are 3 main reasons why buchrim fear approaching a meidel:

1) Fear of being called sketchy – Let’s knock this one off first! Asking someone out is not sketchy! Asking someone out takes confidence and guts! It’s also a very effective way of taking out someone that you are actually interested in, as opposed to waiting for a random shaddchan on Saw You at Sinai to set you up with someone strictly because your profiles both say that you are ‘non-smokers’ and are looking for someone who ‘wants to make Aliyah.’ It seems like only recently that asking someone out directly has become a ‘sketchy’ activity! Let’s clarify what sketchy is/is not:

Hanging out in dark ally ways = sketchy

Spending hours on OnlySimchas looking through pictures of people you don’t know = sketchy

Asking out a girl at the sefarim sale = not sketchy!

Ladies, next time a buchur has the courage to approach you in the YU library and make conversation, you should be flattered that he finds you attractive! You should also keep in mind that he had the guts to do what most other YU guys just sit in the Beis Medresh and dream about!

2) Fear of being labeled a stalker – Being labeled a stalker is a pretty harsh way to describe someone. 20 years ago people would associate the world stalker with individuals who used binoculars to spy on their neighbors, now people throw that term around like it’s going out of style!

Some examples:

Meidel: “Some guy asked me out at the sefarim sale today!”
Her friends: “What a stalker!”

Meidel: “Some guy in the library today asked me a question!”
Her Friends: “Sketchy stalker!”

Meidel: “Stalker!”
Her Friends: “The YU guy that sat next to you on the inter-campus shuttle last week because the rest of the shuttle was full!”
Meidel: “Correct!”

Ladies, don’t flatter yourself! Just because a buchur asks you out in the library or sits next to you on the shuttle doesn’t mean he has any interest in observing your day to day activities or watching you through your window at Brookdale! He probably just thinks you are a cutie and want to take you to Starbucks for coffee! In fact, it’s the guys in the library that just stare at you, but don’t say anything that you should be worried about! Those are the guys that are going on Facebook when they get back to their room and are going to poke you!

3) Fear of disturbing the meidel – This is the silliest excuse for a guy not to approach a girl, especially on YU campus! There is only one reason why a young, single, frum girl goes to Washington Heights and that’s to find a nice YU buchur to build a bayis ne’eman with! Any other reason you might hear is just nonsensical! Many girls say they come up to go to ‘study’ in the YU library! Well, what about your library? What about Starbucks? What about the lounge in your dorm? What about your dorm room? The Sefarim Sale is another great excuse for a meidel to come uptown. There are quite a few Judaic stores in midtown where they can purchase sefarim, Shweky CDs, or other shtark paraphernalia all year round! The Purim chagigah/yom ha’atmaut festivities are another time meidels trek to the heights! Don’t kid yourself; the Sternies aren’t coming for the stale YU cookies, soda, or to dance. Most of their time is spent in front of Rubin Hall waiting for the buchrim to come outside! Bottom line: When you see a girl on YU campus, if she isn’t there to see her boy friend, she is there to find one! No other reason holds water!

Don’t kid yourself! It’s very challenging for a buchur to go up to a girl he has never met before and make conversation with her, but sometimes you just have to suck it up and say “Just Do It.” One evening I was on the 4th floor of the YU library and was talking to a friend of mine. As we are speaking I spotted a meidel coming towards me with a pile of books in her arms and head phones. As she rushes by me to look for a seat, she dropped her head phones. Like a good buchur I picked them up, hand them to her, and notice that she is a cutie! [There are times in your life when you surprise yourself…this was one of those times!] I turned to my friend and wrapped up our discussion then proceeded to walk around the floor looking for where this cutie ran off to. Then I spotted her! She was in the back corner of the library with an open desk next to her! Without hesitating I walked over and sat down next to her. [Until this point anyone can do what I did. I really just followed her and sat down next to her, but what happened next took some luck, some wit, and some guts.] I got lucky when she asked me if I could watch her textbook while she stepped out for a minute. I was witty when she came back, thanked me, and I said “I don’t think anyone is going to steal your organic chemistry book.” The guts came into play after we spoke for an hour and I asked her for her number. And I got lucky again when she gave it to me! I’m not sure if there is a YU hall of fame, but if there is, I will surely be enshrined there! I will be inducted as one of the few buchrim, who went to the YU library, saw a cutie, and asked her for her number! Although we didn’t build a bayis ne’eman together, this incident gave me confidence and hope! It gave me the confidence to know that it’s possible for an ordinary buchur to approach a meidel and ask her out (it doesn’t just take place in the movies)! And it gave me the hope to know that one day, in the not to distant future, guys and girls can ask one another out and not be labeled “sketchy stalkers!”