Sunday, June 14, 2009

The 25 Most Eligible Modern Orthodox Bachelors of 2009

Girls like jerks! I have never understood the reason for this, but it happens to be a fact. After years in coed camps and schools, and even now during the shidduch process, it is a theory that has been reconfirmed over and over again. The meidels that tend to have it the worst are the super cute and popular ones. They generally have tons of buchrim flocking to them who span the spectrum from the captain of the basketball team to the captain of the Torah Bowl team. However, given their extreme popularity, and their ability to choose almost any buchur they want, they almost always end up with a jerk. Instead of spending time trying to determine why this is the case, I’d like to focus on what attributes make up a high quality buchur. I feel that by pointing out these common characteristic that all top notch buchrim share, it will allow meidels to be more equipped to filter out all the subpar guys in the shidduch world.

The 4 attributes that make a quality buchur and a great husband are the following:

Driven: The three things that determine an individual’s level of successful in life are: 1) passion 2) luck and 3) drive. Everybody is passionate about something, luck is decided by Hashem, but drive is something that is engrained in us over years of being forced to work for what we want. In a world where most people spend hours playing video games, watching TV, and waiting around for life to fall into place, finding someone who knows what they want out of life and possesses the drive to go out and get it is truly refreshing.

Attractive: Our genetic makeup is not something that we can control. However, I once heard the following statement, which I think holds true: If you give any buchur “a tan, better posture, whiter teeth, a fitness regimen, and clothes that fit, than he's well on his way to handsome.” The key to a buchur being attractive is putting in some time and effort. If you make the best with what you have, then that’s really all anyone can ask for.

Frum: I don’t like the word “frum” because it is defined in so many ways by so many different people. The key is finding someone who has a sincere passion AND respect for yidishkite. Everyone has their own standards that they wish to go by and different levels of religious observance. However, if you find someone with that type of genuine passion and respect, on whatever level is right for you, it will never go away.

Kindness: Kindness is one of those rare traits that is innate in very few people. The ability to genuinely care about others is not something that one can easily develop, and it is not something that will waver like religious observance, or diminish over time like appearance. If you find someone with this extraordinary middah, you should hold on to them with all your might, because this is not someone that will cross your path very often.

Now you are probably asking yourself “Where am I supposed to find a buchur like this? This isn’t exactly the type of information that is found on a Facebook profile!” You are correct! It’s hard to locate people with these types of unique qualities! Thankfully, I have done the work for you! Just like Forbes compiles a list of the world’s wealthiest people, Fortune accumulates a list of the world’s best companies, and People Magazine assembles a list of the world’s sexiest people, I have put together a list of the “25 Most Eligible Modern Orthodox Bachelors of 2009.” I know each of the following people personally and know that they are unique in the fact that they distinctly possess the 4 aforementioned attributes. In addition to the 4 attributes, they are all buchrim, who in 20 years from now, your girl friends will look at them and say: “Wow, why didn’t I marry a guy like that!”

All bachelors are equally ranked and have been sorted in alphabetical order by last name:

Bengio, Michael
Caplan, Adam
Davidovits, Moe
Douek, Daniel
Eckstein, Dani
Eis, David
Freund, Dovid
Goldglantz, Joe
Gorfinkel, Yirmi
Graber, Josh
Guttmann, Jay
Isser, David
Kilstein, Yaakov
Krohn, Ben
Lapin, Ari
Lev, Michael
Lustiger, Elie
Marciano, David
Raab, Yoni
Raskas, Jonah
Rosenberg, Oliver
Schnipper, Covey
Shenkman, Yoni
Sher, Avi
Westrich, Uri

Ladies, after releasing a list like this my advice to you is simple: Get moving! Contact every friend, colleague, and acquaintance you have! Use Google, Facebook, OnlySimchas and any other site that may be conducive to getting a date with one of these top notch buchrim because I can guarantee you one thing: They will not remain bachelors for long!

Good luck and happy stalking!

15 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. actually i have to agree with you. in ten years most of the girls looking for the "cool guy" (READ JERK) will wake up and start lookng for the nice guy. of course if he's still single he will be looking for the most gorgeous size 2 .

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  3. i call dibs on schnipper, covey.

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  4. i can't help but wonder whether these bochrim KNOW their names are posted on this site, and if so, how they feel about the sudden influx of calls from gals wanting to marry'em!

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  5. LOL

    This is somewhere between hilarious, wrong, and ridiculous. But at least the guys I know here are good guys. :)

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  6. lol i know a few of these guys... do they know theyre on here? haha

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  7. This is very funny.

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  8. I will take jonah "drop dead sexy" raskas for 5 rubles please

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  9. So where are the links for these guys, I'd like to check them out ;)

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  10. How could you forget Eitan Behar???
    He is the most amazing romantic gorgeous guy you could possibly ask for...

    Wake up girls, he is still single!!!

    Friend him of facebook:
    www.facebook.com/people/Eitan-Behar/504268012
    www.eitanbehar.org

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